Disgracefully, I have to admit that I have not completed any of the research and writing needed to finish my dissertation so far. I just realized last week that the spring semester of college classes ended on Friday and commencement (the one I was originally hoping to participate in) took place yesterday. A sharp twinge of regret pierces my heart as I realize that I have not gotten any work done the entire spring semester.
Some writer’s block or mental fear of the monumental task before me has kept me in a pool of procrastination that I can’t seem to swim out of. I keep telling myself, “Once I finish grading these papers” or “Once I get through this project” I’ll get started on the Ph.D. Alas, that never happens. Something else always comes along to take up all the free time I have (which isn’t much).
Now, I’m wondering if I have to reach the very bottom of my desperation before I do something about it.
I think the hardest thing for me is trying to balance my work/study time with the time I spend with my children. I want Jared and Luke to be a priority. When I finally sit in front of the computer to type, my body and mind are so exhausted that I can’t think intelligently anymore…much less, try to write a dissertation.
I’m praying that I’ll find the extra motivation and determination to push past my fears and get moving on this huge project soon.